Friends

How special are my friends? Let me count the ways....my heart aches when they hurt. I have 3 very special friends who have lost their children. These tragedies have broken me down to my core (my body aches). It hurts my heart to go thru this with them and try to be of some help. I feel like it is happening to me, but all I can do is be here for anything and everything they need and I know they would do the same for me. Well actually they have been there for me- it may not be a death, but when my boys were born I needed support and they tried to help. I wasn't very receptive to them and I wish I would have let them in more than I did, but they are here for me now and that is all that matters now. This is possibly the hardest struggle for me because death is so final there is really nothing I can do for them, but pray. Oh my goodness do I pray for them to find peace and for the Lord to turn this tragedy into something other than sadness. I am really struggling right now, I do not even want to attend my graduation. I just want to stay with my friend constantly because I know she needs me. I know what I am feeling and can't imagine the pain in here heart and how she is suffering. I ask all my friends to please pray and just pray some more. (then pray again later) and then one more time pray again. Lord, Please take this pain from them! I know my boys have angels with them all the time and Savannah and Shelby are right there with them watching over them. That makes me feel good that 2 sweet special girls are keeping them safe and when it's time for us to go home....we shall all be reunited. Till we meet again!

Mother's Day

As we approach Mother's Day tomorrow, I have started noticing people on facebook updating their statuses stating their children, when they were born, and how much they weighed. It's really hard to wrap your arms around how much 1lb 13ozs weighs, but one time I was in one of those sports stores and I saw this tiny little weight and I thought who would work out with this? (a child?) I picked it up and I thought this wouldn't help anyone it's so light then I looked at the bottom of it and it said 2lbs. This is the point I realized OH MY GOSH. My babies weighed less than this???? It scared me to think actually they were smaller than this tiny thing. Then I got to thinking about bags of rice, those come in 2lb bags as well- I found myself on the hunt for something that weighed around 2lbs. I know it sounds silly, but the more I would do this the more grateful I was for my twins and how much they have gone through- they are God's amazing children that he gave to me; He trusted me; He loved me enough to give me these precious babies because He knows I am capable and will do everything in my power to secure their future to the best of my abilities. Sometimes I falter and wonder can I do this? or why couldn't my boys just have been born on time? But then I think of that Garth Brooks song, "Unanswered Prayers". God knows what he is doing you just need to accept it and embrace it and figure out your purpose in life.

Also, I have been thinking of my mother and how wonderful she is. She is always here when and if I need her. Moving across the street from them was the BEST choice I ever made. Just knowing that her and my dad are over there gives me peace. My mother is so kind-hearted and would do anything for anyone especially her kids and grandkids. I like to think I am her favorite, but I'm sure my sister and brother think the same thing. (but I know it's me, lol) It's kinda funny because my mom always tells me that when she keeps my kids they are the "easiest" of all of her grandkids. Isn't that interesting??? I guess "typical" can get on your nerves with all that talking, lol (don't have to worry about that with mine, haha)

Graduation

As I think about my upcoming graduation, I have started to reflect on the reason I decided to return to college. It was a very tuff decision to decide to be away from the boys and go back to school, but since they had to go to school as well - I figured what the heck. I had no clue that I would find another family and wonderful friends at ULM. Also, each class I attend teaches me more about myself and my family life. Not a day goes by that I am not appreciative of my life. Yes, some days are filled with school papers, projects, presentations, and then coming home to my wonderful children. All I can say is God bless the inventor of the dust buster because I can promise I use it at least 5 times a day. I am not sure why I waited so long to own this wonderful invention, but I will never be without it now. I actually consider taking it with me when I go to my moms or in the car, lol. Anyways, so I am graduating and then returning in August to pursue my Master's Degree in Speech-Language Pathology. I did not choose this profession for money or the flexibility of hours, but I want to help other families that face struggles with communication and swallowing as we did. I know all situations will not be exactly like mine, but hopefully being a parent of special needs twins I can offer something to these families that may help them even if facing similar situations. I am scared to work again since it has been 7 years since I worked and will be 9 years once I start working. (that's a long time not to work and have a boss and yes it has been wonderful) I am so grateful to have such a wonderful husband that sacrifices his time with his family to provide for us. I cannot imagine leaving for a month at a time and being in the middle of the ocean with nothing to do or see, but work. He loves us and has always been wonderful at showing us how much. He sent me this email yesterday: " I just wanted to wish u happy Mother's Day. I love u so much and I am lucky to have u as the mother of our kids. They love u to death and if they could talk they would tell u everyday how much they love u. It takes a special mother to go through the day to day struggles u go thru and just take it with a smile (sometimes a bottle of wine.lol). I wish I was half the parent u are. I love you"

This makes me cry every time I read it, how wonderful is he???? I could not have asked for a better man, husband, and father for my kids. One day he can retire and be home with us everyday. I cannot wait! He is sooooo much help when he is home and if I did not have my parents and Bonnie when he is gone I would definitely be in a mental institution. (not kidding) I miss him so much when he is gone and now he stays away for 4 weeks at a time and in Saudi Arabia of all places. I pray every night that the Lord keeps him safe and brings him home to us just as he was when he left. The boys are so much more well behaved when their daddy is home too and I know they miss him just as much as I do!