Acceptance....phase 2

Acceptance it's one of my favorite words. I was going to get it tattooed on my wrist or finger, but then i realized wait a minute....Acceptance is a place I found through this long journey of having twins with special needs. It is a wonderful place and I often feel like an advocate for those parents and others who have not yet gotten to this place. There is no map on how to get there each person must take their own path. Some journeys are longer, have more ups and downs, but once you arrive at this beautiful destination....there is only one word that comes to mind "peace". But, over the past few months I have been struggling and one night it hit me like a brick in the face...."how can I have true acceptance if I have not truly accepted myself?" I am constantly putting myself down and doubting myself. I am negative about all aspects of my life because I feel that it's better to not expect anything so, I won't be upset if the worst happens, right? The other day I made a list of all of the "pros and cons" of my personality. I actually went around and asked some friends to name some for me. I found myself wanting to hear more of the cons vs the pros; which seems odd. Anyways, I have decided I cannot practice what I preach until I accept myself- flaws and all. Yes, I may have some "cons" to my personality, but who doesn't. I am going to learn to accept the good, the bad, the ugly, and the negative. I believe that once I get to this place of acceptance then, if I would like to "modify" some aspects of myself I am not happy about then I will do it for myself....not because someone else has a problem with me. Yes, I speak my mind, yes I am a smart-ass, yes I stand up for what I believe in (which often can get me in trouble), but I am going to accept these aspects of myself because this makes me who I am - unique. I do not want to change me, just like I would never want to change my boys because then they wouldn't be Carter & Logan. We shall see how this journey goes, but for now I am focusing on my inner self and loving who I am just as my boys love me! Till then xoxo Toni